And she spoke words That'd melt in your hands And she spoke words Of wisdom.
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time: 9:05 PM



ugh, PTC today.

I've finally seen how hard Daddy works just to support us. :|

finally see all his unspoken burdens and stress beneath his supposedly calm facade. :|

I'm sorry daddy. sorry that i was so lazy. sorry that i never took the initiative to start studying. sorry that i have failed you time and time again. sorry that you have yet another daughter to worry about. sorry that i glared at you when you pushed me to study. sorry that i always made such empty promises to you. sorry that i always said I'll try harder and never did. I'm sorry for disappointing you time and time again. i am very very sorry.

no amount of words could actually express how utter sorry i am towards you daddy. :|
it worries me at how much you've aged and how it took me so long to see that you've been silently suffering all along. How could i have not seen this earlier. You try so hard to be strong and smile and laugh too. But i can tell, your hearts breaking inside. & it breaks my heart to see you in this plight. i am really sorry daddy. :|

[edit]& you, PUH-LEEZ don't give me that rubbish about how disappointed you are with me.
To you, its just a matter of "Do exceptionally well, or do badly". You merely offer your insensitive and unconcerned opinion on my grades without actually knowing about how I'm doing. Don't try to say something when you don't know whats going on okayy. it merely adds on to my fury not to my guilt.[/edit]

[edit]i want to go poly. i really do. another 5 years of studying is just pure shit to me.
I'm losing interest in SECONDARY school for goodness sakes.
how the heck is JC gonna be any better?!
:| ughh, now i'm all confused. D: apparently everything which i thought was good about poly has been admonished. So 5 year studying? ==" If i can even get in that is...[/edit]

but you insist on me going. what if i fail repeatedly? what if i end up regretting? like how i didn't take up art and ended up regretting(?) shit that i didn't?

i really do NOT want to go through a journey of regrets. :|
i know you want what's best for me. but poly is NOT the end of the world.
it is NOT a last resort. & its is certainly NOT bad in anyway.

all this hype about JCs. :|
ughhhhhh.

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shit, i won't see you anymore once we graduate.
i guess its for the better?
at least i won't have to feel all weird anymore when i see you.

dammit. today's like seriously testing my limits on how much i can control that freakishly fake smile plastered on my face. ==